What is love?

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Surprisingly enough, most people in the world do not know the true definition of love. Love has lost its meaning and value and has become a routine. Today I would like to discuss what love is, what it means to love, and I’ll share a few personal experiences to which some of you may relate to.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
-Robert Heinlein

Merriam-Webster

(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child (2): attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.

1 Corithians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not.

My personal definition of what is mean to love and be in love:

To love someone means that you care about them, almost as much as you care about yourself. You genuinely have a concern for all things them- their happiness, their safety, their sanity, their image. To love someone is to be there when they need you, check up on them throughout their day, make sure they’ve eaten or got enough rest, forgive them when they make a mistake. To be in love with someone is to love them unconditionally and not be able to see yourself without them. Being in love is finding the one that matches your soul and fits effortlessly into your life.

Honestly, society has fallen into a sinkhole where we say things just because we’re used to a pattern. Often times I find myself just saying things because they “sound” right or because we’ve been saying them for so long that it seems like a habit. When I catch myself, I try to correct it. The most common mistake I have witnessed people say is, “I love you.” People my age seldom understand the weight of those words. Few people know what it means when you say those words to someone. They say, “I love you” and “Do you love me?” or “How much do you love me?” but their actions are not matching up. I know someone who tells me they love me almost every day. Now there was a time when this certain someone would say this to my face, and turn right around and do something to disrespect me and/or hurt my feelings. Knowingly, he continued his “pattern” of telling me he loved me, then doing something stupid, telling me again, then doing some more stupid stuff. Now, my mother raised me to be vigilant and make smart decisions. I’ve began to sever ties, romantically, but there are times we still talk. I listen to him, but I don’t believe him. I say it back because I mean it. There was a point in our lives when we were both genuinely happy and in love. Crazy thing about love is that is never goes away once you develop it. You can fall out of love, but you can never stop loving someone. I fell out of love with him, but I will forever love him. Like ay other normal girl, one day I hope to get back to that “in love” stage we once had, but that may be a little far off. I know that I love him because I’m not praying for his downfall. I wish him all the best and great success in his future.

Another common mistake is the priority of social media. So many people think they have to prove themselves to social media before proving themselves to someone they love. You don’t have to post me every Wednesday or put up random posts confessing your love to me. It gets tricky when people take this and distort it. I have seen way too often relationships fail because of an imbalance. You have some people who post their every move on social media. Then you have others who don’t post anything at all and their “followers” don’t know that they are in a relationship. People can look so happy on an Instagram picture but in real life hate the person they’re with. You also have people who post so often but never post anything to let people know they are seeing someone. I don’t think it’s necessary to make announcements with anything you have going on, but if you normally have a decent social media presence, then you should make some things clear to your followers. For all they know you’re not seeing anyone so they can continue to shoot their shot with you. This adds a lot of pressure and strain on the relationship, when it’s not even necessary.

Social media also plays an important, yet tricky role because it’s not really you. Yeah, you post pictures and videos about things you’ve got going on but it’s not really you. You can’t post every single thing that is you on your profile. You may have people following you on social media but don’t know you in real life. I have had people I’ve been friends with comment things under my pictures and I’m sure my followers were like “aww that’s cute” but in reality, that person isn’t even my friend. For example, I had this one friend when I was younger and she as we got older and started making new friends she became super phoney and just horrible person. Over the years we’ve tried mending the friendship, but she always does the same thing.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I give people chance after chance to prove himself or herself to me because I have too much love for people. When I allow people into my life and build these relationships, I grow to love them. It’s not easy for me to just walk away or give up on people I love and so I find myself in tough situations all the time.

Based on my history of relationships and friendships, I’ve learned that it is best if I keep my distance from those types of people. Yeah I love you, but I know that energy and love isn’t reciprocated. I would hate to allow myself to fall back into the pattern of being lied to and hurt by people I love. I’ve had friends, boyfriends, and even family tell me they love me but wouldn’t lift a finger if I needed it. And those are the ones you have to love from a distance. I have expected too much from these kinds of people and in the future, I will keep my expectations low and protect myself from feeding into their pattern. It sucks when you love someone more than they love you, all because they don’t know what love really is.

 

Until next time,

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