The Good in Goodbye

Everybody, everywhere should have their heart broken at least once in their lifetime. Hear me out, trust me I have a good reason behind this idea. 

Okay, so I believe in living life with no regrets. Never regret any decisions you ever make because 1) at some point you believed that was the best choice for you and 2) it wasn’t all for nothing. Good or bad, you always can learn something from the experience.

Now to tie it back to heartbreaks, everyone should feel what it is like to “lose” yourself and rebuild yourself. I’ve been through like two and a half heartbreaks in my life. The first ever was my father, big surprise. The other times were both ex boyfriends. I only count one as a half because I cared about him and was hurt but it wasn’t a bad breakup. You know when you know the end is near and they’re a bad person so you prepare yourself for the breakup? That’s how that was. I wasn’t heartbroken when we split.

I’m happy to say I have successfully and fully HEALED from my last relationship and I’m really glad that it happened. If he hadn’t taken me through so many experiences I would be as wise as I am today. The breakup is never fun during but afterwards during your learning and growing, is really magical.

My last relationship ended really bad and I was honestly hurting for so long. I knew in my heart I would be fine without him, actually better off but I didn’t want to face it. My ex taught me things like self-love, happiness, and I love myself, don’t be mislead but I did not love myself enough. When we met I was at a vulnerable place and willingly to accept the first good thing that came into my life. I looked for ways to build myself through him. I found things I was lacking and used him as a crutch to fill those voids. I was very unsure about myself at that time, and he was there to fix that.

I was going to a in-state college due to lack of scholarships which I was not happy with at all. All my life I wanted to escape Baltimore but when the time came my plans fell through. Going to school in-state is not a big deal to most but I had to give up on all my dreams I’ve had my entire life. I felt like a failure. I honestly thought I would be stuck in the same place, physically and mentally forever. I met my ex shortly after my first semester in college and tried to suppress those unhappy, inadequate feelings. The closer we grew, the happier I tried to keep him so that he’d stay around to keep me happy. Eventually I became static and I didn’t want to risk our happiness for my own just to transfer to a different school. Ultimately, he wasn’t secure enough for a long distance relationship so that failed. Even though the relationship failed, I learned to always put happiness before the happiness of anyone else. I made the decision to leave because I knew I would feel better about myself and my future so that’s what I did.

Heartbreak builds character and forces us to set ourselves at a higher standard. When we go through a breakup we have two options, cry about it and become the other person or cry about it and become a better version of ourselves. Today, I hold myself to a higher standard. People I used to give my energy can’t even talk to me now. I don’t respond to them. I’m all about growth and really learning to love myself. I think people don’t really understand what that means. Like, we have to be our own biggest fan, love what you stand for, be all about you. I’ve become that and now others’ opinions of me don’t affect me. I’m becoming sure of my capabilities and I won’t let anyone influence or sway me from that.

I can’t remember for the life of me where I’ve heard it, but there’s a quote that goes a little like “You had me in the past but can you get near me now?” This speaks to me because yes, we may have been a perfect match in the past but I’ve leveled up now. Now, I’m untouchable and you will never be able to ruin this new peace I have found within myself. And that is why everyone needs to gets their heart broken. It took for me to get my heart broken to really find myself. I mean like figure out what things I love and what things I absolutely cannot tolerate. I think it really helps us discover the person we want to be and shows us the areas we’re lacking in, in order to reach that dream person.

Trust me, nothing is better than finding that inner peace. When we find that we can be ready to share it with that person who also has found theirs. This strengths our relationships because we are able to to enjoy the other person for what they have to offer rather than try to find answers to our own problems within them. I am actually working on the second stage of sharing my peace with someone else, so wish me luck on this journey.

(Sorry for the late post, I’m drowning in school work and I took some of my procrastination time to get this post up.)

Until next time,

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